My head hurts and my heart aches

There is too much on my mind at the moment

I feel that University has really changed my views about the world - yes a very cliché thing to say but it seriously has. I know for sure that this changed has been powered by the fact that I decided to become vegan just before I went to university because being vegan has made me a much more compassionate person and it is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I have never felt so passionate about so many things and I have never been such a conscious person. Conscious in the sense that I am so aware of my surroundings, not just my immediate surroundings or the situation that I am in one point in time but of the larger surroundings i.e. the World.

I have never thought so much about how lucky I am to be able to live how I chose to live rather than to be restricted by poverty, disease or injustice.

I have never thought so much about how there are so many bad things in this world that need change, and that it is so frustrating that the change an individual wants to make seems so insignificant to the larger problem and sometimes you feel so helpless and that is ok.

I have never thought so much about how it is so sad that when we were younger, we all thought that love lasts forever, and that when two people tell each other that they love the other, they will never fall apart. But of course we were wrong.

I have never reminded myself so much to accept the fact that even though people know that what they are doing is wrong, they will continue to do it anyway and there is nothing I can do about it.

I have been swarmed by such thoughts constantly and it more often than not makes me feel sad, angry, frustrated, helpless and insanely stressed. My eyes often well up just thinking about it. I get annoyed at myself for having such intense thoughts because of the way they make me feel, but I also tell myself it is good to have these reminders because I need to be grateful and use the best of my abilities to do good and make a difference (again cliché but I honestly feel so strongly about this). I want to live a life that is of use to others - inspired by Angelina Jolie in her acceptance speech for the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

I find it strange yet intriguing how I only just started to care so much about the world beyond myself. For 18 years of my life, all my worries were about my grades, my health, my social life, my family - everything was about me, and suddenly I see the greater picture.

Talking about love - In the period I have been in University, I have witnessed so many failed relationships amongst adults. Why can't two people who have loved each other before just continue to love each other forever? How can it be that everything used to be so happy and now just not? and of course I will never understand this because I have never been in a serious relationship before and have never felt been conflicted between a choice and a commitment when it comes to loving a person and so I tell myself to try to understand the two people who have fallen out of love and reasons why they have done so. But honestly, it is just so difficult and I just want some fairygodmother to come and put a spell on them so that they can love each other again.

Kudos to my 19 year old self for being such a deep thinker about all these issues. Sometimes I feel that I think too much and am making myself unnecessarily stressed out about trying to single handedly solve all these problems. But I am glad that university has shaped me into the person that I am today and it's so weird thinking that if I had done anything different, I may not have had all these thoughts.

On a positive note as I like to end my posts on, I feel like for once I kinda have my life sorted in the sense that I am doing a work experience in the bakery in Harrods (which I am loving) and I am also going to be doing an internship in Sustainable food systems over the summer! I am so excited for my internship because it is something that I am very interested in and feel immensely passionate about. I am also seeing my mother in 10 days and going home in 22 days!! I cannot wait !!!!

Maastricht

I went to Maastricht for my cousin, Nadira's IB graduation! 

The bulk of my time there was spent walking to and fro her school and my air bnb and helping her pack for when she leaves Maastricht for good. Doesn't sound too exciting but I really enjoyed just being in the company of Nadira and all her amazing friends :') 

This was a church turned library and it was beautiful!

Words to live by hahahha

Had a salad at the Salad bar! and I did not realize that the Make Your Own Salad was pay by number of ingredients and thankfully I did stop at a reasonable number but it still did turn out to be rather expensive :'( 

Can you see the rainbow :)

Day of the graduation!!

Caught the sunrise on my last day here with Nadira's friends 

Just 3 days at UWC Maastricht has shown me how amazing this community is - I have never felt such strong familial ties in a school before and I am so glad that I managed to experience and witness this amazing relationship amongst Nadira and her friends :) 

However, coming back was the worst traveling experience that I ever had and I don't feel like typing it all out but it ended with me having to share a cab with a complete stranger to get to the airport. I honestly thought I was not going to make my flight back to Edinburgh but thankfully I did and I have never been so happy to be back!! 

Back in Edinburgh with Rgoh!

First stop after getting off the train from Inverness was to Calton Hill! 

We were so lucky that it was such a good day!

Stopped for tea and cake at Lovecrumbs :)

Walked through the meadows to get back to halls! and it was such a happy sight with so many people lying on the grass and enjoying the sunshine

We then had one of our most highly rated dinners at Kalpna, an Indian restaurant! 

( we rated every meal we had just for fun to see at which one we got our money's worth) 

The next morning we had Acai bowls at Hula's :) Unfortunately, they weren't amazing and we both agreed that the ones at Project Acai are better 

The Grassmarket

This was at one of funky mirrors at Camera obscura outside the Edinburgh Castle!!

Went to the Water of Leith afterwards 

We then went shopping and got caps !! and had Chinese food for dinner :) 

After a crazy amount of time spent packing - mostly all my stuff to move out of halls and a little bit of Rachel's suitcase (and I really can't thank Rachel enough for helping me pack cos I could not have managed by myself and just having her there as well helped keep me calm and not stressed out, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOURACHEL <3 ) , we slept at around 3am that morning if I recall correctly, and went for brunch at Moon and Hare! We over ordered - had a smoothie each, a wrap each and then shared waffles after, and left the cafe a little too full than we wanted to, and then we were running late and had to cab to the train station to catch Rachel's train to London :'(((